8.3-4.16 // #21 -contradictorily human

the contradictions in my mind
have caused my perception of
my emotions to become muddled

i know words can be obfuscated
and actions are valued more
but words are all i have to give
and they’re all i can say and write
but i cannot move
with the metals constricting me

i know love is an illusion
told by people too afraid to be alone
yet i am drawn to it not like a moth to flame, but like the way
bees will sting what seems threatening
and end up destroying themselves instead
who even knows what love is?

i know the inevitability of the end
but i am terrified of death and what comes after
especially for someone like me

i am the embodiment
(if i can even give myself enough credit)

of anxiety
of contradictions
of depression
of anger
of selfishness
of self-loathing
of advice i don’t believe in
and, above all,
of denial

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