1.29.17 // #38 – words that don’t quite fit

some words don’t belong in people’s mouths

you know the type;
their mouths curl around
words that coil in the guts
of thousands – maybe (please, no)
millions – and squirm with
the idea of awakening
and lashing out through the tongue

you know the type;
their mouths twitch at the corners at the thought of their violent ideals
and their words of vitriol
and faces full of wrong, all wrong

you know the type;
their frowns tattooed underneath
eyes with dark anvils underwater
their ideas always written with
the same P.S. in fine print
no one reads
and their words laced with
choked, false laughs

you know the type;
they deserve a trillion days
of laughter and jokes and
get bruises and contusions from their head and nails
and sharp teeth
with words that don’t match
their expression

with some words, you want to
steal them from their mouths
and throw them into hell
in a cage with no key

and other words, you want to
steal them from their mouths
and plant them deep underground
and nourish it with “it’s okay”
in the hopes of something better

1.29.17 // #37 – above a belly of broken cocoons

where does validation live?
is it something in the place
under your heart and close
to your belly of cocoons?

or is it an external source
of happiness (is it?)

does it occur when a
mathematician solves a complex
street of letters and numbers
and arbitrary concepts
for a solitary answer?

does it occur when a
scientist who spends years on
research and trial and error and
failures over and over finally
reaches a pinnacle
and a nod and hum of mild approval?

does it occur when a
historian spends hours learning and analyzing
a whole history and culture and
historical context for a “maybe” or
a dismissive “sure”?

does it occur when a
writer pours every scratch inside their mind
into their work with a tug to
never stop, just for a tiny piece
of praise given to so many other works?

what is life without validation?
can people have motivation
without validation?
how much validation relies
on everybody else?
why do i look to validation
like it’s my life source?
why can’t i…validate myself?